When You Fall
by Spunky0ne
Summary: When Renji is critically wounded protecting his squad, he falls, expecting to die alone. But nothing can prepare him for learning the lengths to which his taichou will go, to save his life, rebuild his strength and to win his love...yaoi, mpreg possible.
1. At Your Feet

**When You Fall**

**by Spunky0ne**

**(This story was inspired by (but is not connected to) the latest Bleach Manga, in which Byakuya describes to Renji the loyalty of Soutaichou's fukutaichou. But here, it is Kuchiki taichou who leads by example, showing Renji the true meaning of loyalty. And I hope you're reading, alabirdie! Because I know how you love 'Renji in distress' stories, and this one will blow the doors off the others! Enjoy!)**

**Chapter 1: At Your Feet**

_What just happened?_

_I don't understand._

_It wasn't supposed to end this way._

But there was no denying the explosion of pain throughout his body, the flash and burn as reiatsu overwhelmed his wide open spirit centers...as the breath froze in his chest, and his broken weapon dropped from a nerveless, bleeding hand. He didn't even feel it when he hit the ground, sending blood, reiatsu and sand flying outward from his collapsed form.

_At least they got away._

_I've always hated the times we had to rely on information provided by the Squad 12 taichou. Like he would give a shit about whether we come back alive or in body bags. He'd prefer us dead so that he could pick us apart and perform sick experiments on our corpses._

_You won't let him do that to me..._

_ne, Taichou?_

_Gods, he's going to be so pissed at me. It doesn't matter that the information we were given was crap, or that I managed to eke out a win for the team as a whole. How many times has he told me, it isn't a win if the lead officer doesn't come back? Luckily for me, I won't be going back. The doorway closed. I'm just going to lie here on this fucking cold sand...bleed out because I can't move...die...and get devoured by whatever hollow comes along next._

_Shit...I hope I'm not still alive when it gets here._

_Huh..._

_I think I killed every hollow in a twenty mile radius around us._

_Thank you, Taichou, for helping me to up the range on that. I may actually die before the next bunch of hollows arrives and I get eaten._

_I wonder if Zabimaru is still alive..._

Renji's fading eyes registered movement and light, soft footsteps on the sand and the scent of sakura.

_Oh fuck._

_I lived long enough for him to come and tell me what a damned disgrace I am._

_Why is he alone?_

The light faded, and Renji could feel that his taichou was leaning over him, doing _something_ to the redhead's destroyed body, then lifting him over a shoulder.

"Wh-what...are..." he managed thickly.

"Don't speak," the noble warned him, "We have to leave quietly. This area has been sealed off."

"Then...why are you...here?"

"I said not to talk," Byakuya said curtly, "We need to find a shelter."

Wickedly soft and cool fingertips touched his face. A gentle throb of reiatsu passed through him and Renji's mind went into a spin, disappearing slowly into a sea of grayness. He couldn't see or hear, but he felt himself being set down, at some point, and felt the invocation of power that he knew was a reiatsu cage being raised. There was a deep shock and a long rumbling...then silence returned.

He wondered if he had been left alone...if perhaps, seeing Byakuya had just been wishful thinking, and he was really still lying where he had fallen. His eyes filled with unbidden tears at the thought.

"T-taichou?" he whispered.

A cool, wet cloth cleaned away the dried sweat and blood from his face, and Renji gave a ragged sigh of relief.

"What...w-was that sound?" he asked softly.

"Nothing," said Byakuya, "Go back to sleep, Renji."

"Wh-what about...you?"

Even being half dead didn't spare him from the soft, annoyed ruffling of Byakuya's reiatsu as his taichou touched him and made everything disappear again. He lost awareness and descended into a soft haze that was broken intermittently, when he started to surface, and Byakuya's calm voice sounded in his mind, his cool hands touched Renji's face and the soft glow of his reiatsu seemed to permeate Renji's entire body, sending him off to sleep again.

Finally, his mind began to clear. He slept again, but this time he slept soundly, unmoving. He scented sakura when he inhaled, and felt a warm body resting against his, shivering softly from time to time. Byakuya made a very soft sound of surprise as Renji's body wrapped around his, making the shivering stop instantly.

_See, Taichou, I am good for something, despite having fucked up and gotten myself damn near killed._

_I still don't know why I didn't die._

_And I don't know why you came for me. Why would you do that? There was a time when you would have just called me a fool for getting injured, and left me lying in the sand. But this time, things were different...why, Taichou?_

He tried to think of when he had noticed the change in Byakuya's behavior, but couldn't pinpoint it exactly.

_It happened so slowly that I didn't see it. But now that I think of it...especially since the war with Aizen ended, he's been different. I think I've know all along. But only now do I really know it. And now, he came into enemy territory alone to find me, to save my life. But...I wonder why we're still here. I remember him saying that...this area was being sealed off. But...then...why would he come here, knowing that he would be sealed in here with me?_

He tried opening his eyes, and found that he finally could. And doing so revealed a sight that was as lovely as it was unexpected. Byakuya lay beside him, dressed in only the simple yukata he wore beneath his uniform. He took a startled breath at finding himself naked.

_But then, my uniform was probably shredded and covered with blood._

He caught sight of it hanging near where they slept, drying after being cleaned up somewhat and mended. Byakuya's uniform and haori were spread out on top of them to keep them warm. He glanced at where Byakuya's head rested on his shoulder, and suddenly realized...

_Oh my god...they're gone!_

He sat up, waking Byakuya and making him sit up next to him as he stared in shock, down at his naked body.

"What happened to me?" he asked in a quivering voice, "What happened to Zabimaru's markings?"

He looked around and caught his breath as he spotted the broken pieces of Zabimaru lying on top of the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu. He started to move towards the pile of shards, but stopped and doubled over, grabbing his midsection. Instantly, Byakuya was at his side, coaxing him back to where they had rested on the floor.

"H-how long...has...has he been like that?" Renji panted, wincing at the shocks of pain that radiated through his body.

"You had lost your markings already when I found you," Byakuya said softly, "I gathered the pieces of your weapon and brought them here with us, but I have not sensed any reiatsu flow."

_He isn't saying it. He has to know. If there's no reiatsu that he can sense...and the pieces haven't mended..._

"How...how long have we been here, Taichou?"

Byakuya held his gaze for a moment, then sighed soflty.

"We have been here for a month."

Renji's eyes widened.

"A _month_?" he asked, unable to fathom the words, "We've been here _for a month_ and Zabimaru is still...? I am still...?"

"I will be honest with you," said the noble solemnly, "Your zanpakutou may have perished..."

"No," said Renji, shaking his head, "That can't be right."

"I don't know," Byakuya went on, "It may be because of the strain on my spirit centers, trying to heal you and not being able to eat or drink to restore myself. But, I haven't..."

"No, Taichou!" Renji said, more loudly, "Zabimaru can't be gone! He can't be!"

"I told you. I don't know if he is or if he isn't. But, a month is a long time for him to remain like this. Still, it may be that we have been stranded here and lacked the reiatsu to..."

"He'll come back," Renji tried to reassure himself, "He has to. Those two pains in the ass always come back!"

He looked down and realized how hard he was shaking. Byakuya let out a breath and moved to cover him again. He captured the noble's slim wrist as Byakuya started to pull away.

"Why did you come here, Taichou?" he asked, "Why did you risk yourself? Get yourself trapped here? A year or so ago, you wouldn't have batted an eye at letting me drown in my own blood on the sand out there. You would have just called me a fool for letting myself be taken down, and you would have..."

"Things are not as they were," Byakuya answered, pulling his hand free and moving to sit with his back against the rock wall.

His gray eyes watched Renji as the redhead looked around at the rock walls, tumbled boulders, kido lights and the reiatsu cage around them.

"What happened?" the redhead asked, "It looks like there's no way out, even if you destroy the cage."

"Destroying the cage would only bring everything down on top of us," he said calmly, "I had to collapse the rock around us to protect us from being found."

"But then, the rescue tea..."

Renji broke off, remembering.

"The area was sealed off because it was deemed too hazardous," Byakuya explained.

"There was no rescue team," Renji mused, "Not even for two taichou class shinigamis..."

"No one knows I came here," Byakuya said in a voice barely above a whisper, "The team that came back said that you were dead. I didn't believe them. So...I came to either confirm that...and, living or dead, to bring you home."

"What?" asked Renji, paling, "Taichou..."

"The bond between taichou and fukutaichou is a sacred one," the noble went on, "I heard the order not to enter the area, but I could not obey it...because honor dictated that I should know your fate...even if that meant sharing it."

"That's crazy..." mused Renji, "I would have just died, Taichou. And I would never have blamed you leaving me there. You told me time and time again..."

"I spoke the words that doomed you," said Byakuya, his eyes meeting Renji's quietly, "I personally handed you the faulty information that led to our group being put in harm's way. You did the _impossible_ getting everyone out alive. There is not one man among them who would not have returned to see you back safely. But Soutaichou refused to let them go."

"So...you waited until his back was turned and you came here...unprepared...alone...not even sure I was still alive. Taichou..."

"I found you, and you were near death," Byakuya went on, "I found this cave and brought you and Zabimaru inside...and when I heard the hollows approaching, I set the reiatsu cage in place, and I made the rock come down to entomb us. The hollows cannot reach us."

"And no one's coming to rescue us," said Renji, shaking his head, "We're stuck here. That's what you're saying."

"Having no provisions and being focused on healing you, I used vast outlays of power. And now...although I can shatter the cage, I don't know if I could hold back the rock that would fall in on us."

"And I have no powers at all," breathed Renji, "Shit. What are we going to do, Taichou?"

"I don't know," the noble said softly, "I don't know that there is anything we _can_ do."

"So...what?" Renji asked, his voice shaking, "We just...sit here? For a year? Ten years? A Thousand? We just sit here and wait to die? What about our squad? Our friends and family? Kami, Taichou! What about Rukia? She's going to lose us both? What were you thinking, coming here?"

Byakuya paused, searching for words.

"I wasn't thinking," he admitted finally, "I was _feeling_."

"What?" asked Renji, looking confused.

"I was feeling what it was like to have another person I care about disappear...to have him there one moment, and gone the next...to not even have time to say goodbye. I found the thought unbearable."

"But isn't the thought of dying here...leaving everyone...your squad, your clan...everyone, without you...doesn't it make you see how stupid that is?"

"If it was one of your friends, wouldn't you have done the same?" Byakuya asked softly.

"But we're not friends!" Renji said, frowning, "I mean...we're just a taichou and fukutaichou. We work together, that's all. You didn't have to do this."

"That is where you are wrong," Byakuya countered, "We may be 'just a taichou and fukutaichou,' but that relationship _should_ be more meaningful than we have let it be, up until recently. The lives of our hundreds of squad members, and the lives of the civilians we protect, rest in our hands, day after day. The hands that protect them have to be strong, Renji. And we are strongest when we work in harmony with each other. But to do that requires the maintaining of balances between us. Where one excels, he leads. Where one needs, he is supported. Taichou and fukutaichou are meant to work as parts of one whole. We have failed to do that at times."

"Like, when I was learning from you, only to overcome you."

"And when I ignored the training and advancement of the man whose sword was meant to protect me..."

"But instead, tried to stab you in the back," said Renji, shaking his head, "You're right. We've messed up...a lot. But...what are we supposed to do about it now? We're stuck in here. I have no powers, and you have depleted yours, and have no food. I think there are more problems to fix than how we work together."

He stole a glance down at his naked, tanned, but curiously blank looking flesh.

"And even if we do get out of here, you won't have to worry about how well we work together. Because the Gotei 13 doesn't want a shinigami with no powers. I'll be dropped from the military..."

"Don't say that," Byakuya said, frowning, "You don't know that Zabimaru is gone."

"It's been a month already," Renji objected.

"But you have unconscious for most of that time. Now that you are awake, maybe he will respond to you. Try..."

Renji sighed unhappily, but leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He focused carefully and tried to connect with the zanpakutou. He sensed nothing, but tried repeatedly...only to obtain the same result.

"Damn..." he said, shaking his head and panting uncomfortably, "I can't do it. I can't reach him. I can't even feel if he is alive or not!"

"Lie down and rest," Byakuya said, touching his shoulder, "You can try again later."

"Okay," the redhead said, swallowing his doubts, "But you should rest too. You may not have food and drink to help you recharge, but rest can help you hold on to what is left of your powers, so that we can get out of here."

"And then what?" asked Byakuya, "We are still in the sealed off area. And I cannot break the seal."

"Then, we have to keep each other alive until they break it from the other side. They have to know you came here, Taichou. They have to know by now. So when it's safe enough..."

"Perhaps," Byakuya said softly, looking unconvinced.

Renji laid down and Byakuya set the haori over him, then laid down close, but not touching him. He wrapped his shihakushou top around himself and rested his head on his arms.

"Taichou," Renji said quietly, "thanks for coming for me...even if it was a really stupid thing to do."

Byakuya opened one gray eye and gazed at him for a moment, before closing it again.

"You are welcome."


	2. Hello, My Name is

**Chapter 2: Hello, My Name is...**

"Do you ever get bored, Taichou?" Renji asked, startling the noble out of the reverie he had entered to pass the time.

"What was that?" he asked, blinking to bring him back to the cold reality of their circumstances.

"Sorry," Renji said, quieting his voice, "I asked if you ever get bored."

"Usually not," the noble said, looking up at him, then looking down at the spot on the cave floor that he had been contemplating for what might have been hours, Renji thought, even _days_!

"What do you think about...to keep you from getting bored?"

"Various things," Byakuya answered, "Why do you ask?"

Renji gave a soft laugh that ended in a pained cough. Byakuya gazed at him quietly, assessing, then moved forward and infused him with healing reiatsu.

"Oh...don't make me laugh, Taichou. Laughing hurts like hell," the redhead groaned.

"My apologies," the noble said, focusing on Renji's injuries, "I wasn't attempting to be humorous."

"I know," said Renji, "That's usually when people are funniest...when they're not trying to be."

"Hisana made that observation once," Byakuya commented, "about me amusing her without even trying. I didn't understand at all."

"No," said Renji, smiling, "Probably not."

"Are you making fun of me?" asked the noble, frowning.

"No, Taichou," Renji answered, "I just think that it's funny that Hisana probably thought you were as cute as I think you are when you say something like that."

"Like what?" asked the noble, looking mildly annoyed.

"Well, you asked me why I asked you about what you think of when you're bored," Renji answered.

"Which amuses you, because...?"

"Because the answer is obvious. I'm asking you that because _I'm_ bored!"

"So, do something you normally do to cure your boredom."

Renji sighed.

"Well, I really can't. I can't eat, because there's no food. I can't train, because my body is still being held together with baling wire and glue...and I can't have sex, because, even if my body could manage it, the only one here besides me is you...and I'm thinking you're not that interested in exploring your sexuality with me."

"That would be correct," Byakuya said, a blush rising on his face and throat, "But you are welcome to ease your frustrations if you need to."

Renji laughed again and made himself cough harder. He grabbed his stomach and groaned, trying to stop himself, but unable.

"Really, Abarai!" the noble said, shaking his head, "You are going to make yourself ill. Stop that."

"Then, s-stop being so damned funny!" Renji chuckled, "I mean, Taichou...you just...hah, just told me that I can masturbate in front of you!"

"I won't watch," Byakuya said, trying not to blush, but only blushing more furiously, "I can tune you out."

"T-tune me out?" Renji laughed, coughing heavily until Byakuya moved closer again and wrapped an arm around him, infusing him with healing reiatsu, "S-sorry, Taichou, but you're _killing me_ here!"

"I might be tempted if you continue to make fun of me," commented the noble, his eyes darkening.

"Oh...okay," said Renji, stifling a dangerous giggle and biting his lips, "I...you know, let's just forget it. I'm not so bored anymore."

"I am glad we headed that off," Byakuya said dryly, "though in the future, I would rather do so without you getting so riled. Considering your injuries, it is quite reckless of you. Considering also, the lengths to which I went to keep you from dying, it borders on insult."

"What did you to save me?" the redhead asked, furrowing his brow, "I hope it was nothing...dangerous to you, Taichou."

"That is between me and the boulders, and does not concern you, Abarai. Now, lie down. It is time for a more thorough infusion. It will take some time."

Renji laid down on his back, watching quietly as Byakuya leaned over him and opened his yukata. His graceful fingers traced a path over the redhead's chest and abdomen, finding each of his spirit centers and treating them to a gentle swell of healing power. Renji's eyes blinked and he started to doze off. And as he drifted on the edges of sleep, he wondered if the light flush he saw on Byakuya's skin was just from the effort of the healing, or if...

_I probably embarrassed the hell out of him, but he's not wanting to make a big deal of things because he's still worried about me._

Renji stopped himself.

_Taichou is worried about me?_

And looking up at Byakuya's lovely, but tired face, he saw then the sadness in his calm, gray eyes. He felt the intensity of emotion in the hands that sought to strengthen him. The noble's reiatsu flickered unsteadily, and Byakuya paused for a moment, brushing a few beads of sweat from his brow.

"Why don't we stop now?" Renji suggested, "You look kinda worn down."

"I am fine," Byakuya said, the emotion disappearing from his expression.

But as he pulled his hands away, Renji could see that they were shaking softly.

"Taichou..." he said, taking one of the noble's hands in his.

"It's to be expected," Byakuya said calmly, "I will recover somewhat with rest."

He turned away and laid down, going quiet again. Renji tried to rest quietly, but couldn't help feeling fidgety. The light scent of sakura reached him, and a question popped into his mind. Before he could stop himself, it came out of his mouth.

"Taichou?" he queried softly, "Could you tell me something?"

"Hmmm?"

"I just noticed. We've been in this cave for over a month now."

"Yes."

"And there's no water, so I know you haven't been bathing."

"I am aware of that."

"But...you still smell good."

He blushed at the words and hastened to clarify.

"I mean, you smell like sakura."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"All members of the Kuchiki clan are scented with sakura. It dates back to the earliest days of the noble families. You see, the first noble lords, though shinigami, were not made in the way of other shinigamis. They were each made from some element within the king's gardens. For example, the first Aomori clan leader was spun from the silk of a great silkworm within the gardens. And they are the artisans who make the king's clothing. My ancestor, Kuchiki Hajime, was constructed using a donated branch of an ancient sakura tree that is dear to the king. Our relatives tend his gardens. We are all blessed with the gift of being able to cause things to grow."

"You can make things grow?" Renji asked, "Then...can you just grow something here? Or do you have to have..."

Byakuya sat up, gazing at Renji through suddenly hopeful eyes.

"I wouldn't be able to make a plant sustainable, but I might be able to grow something enough to produce a small yield of something I could eat," he mused.

He leaned forward and placed his hands on the floor of the cave. A soft green glow, much like his healing power, rose up around him, but almost immediately flickered and died. He tried again, but got the same result. He stared at his hands, a look of frustration on his handsome face.

"Hey," said Renji bracingly, "You know you're tired out from that infusion you gave me. You should rest and try that later."

"You are probably right," Byakuya agreed, gazing unhappily at his hands, then lying back down.

"You know, what you were saying before, about the ancient sakura tree, I never knew any of that."

"My father told me the story when he taught me how to use my gift for growing things," Byakuya explained in a soft, sleepy voice, "You might not know this either, but the gardens at my home are newly designed each time a new clan leader comes to power. Each new leader changes the gardens in some way...and watches over them until the next leader emerges. When Hisana and I were married, we looked forward to passing on that gift to our child. But...unfortunately, she was too fragile to manage her pregnancy, and she and the child died."

"Hisana was pregnant?" Renji asked softly, his heart aching at the pain that had risen in the noble's gray eyes, "I didn't know that."

"We were overjoyed when we found out. We knew that she was delicate, but we had no idea how much her life in Inuzuri had weakened her. I worried when she asked me to find her sister, that it might be the same with Rukia. She was lucky to have found her way to you. You helped her to become strong enough to endure that life, and still survive. I am grateful to you for that. I am just sorry that I didn't realize, at the time, what taking Rukia out of her environment was going to do to the person who had already been the protective brother Hisana wanted for her sister."

"Hey, you didn't know," Renji said, shaking his head, "And I didn't give you any chance. I hated you for taking her, even though I didn't know you...even though I knew she would have what she needed. I was just pissed because I would miss her...and she...wouldn't need my protection anymore...because she had you."

Byakuya sighed.

"I think we both know what a well-meant disaster that turned out to be. I couldn't even look at her without seeing Hisana. I sent her away to the 13th division and avoided her. I was no brother to her. That is one of the reasons why I chose you to be my fukutaichou. You were well qualified for the position, or I wouldn't have considered it. But I also knew that if you became a fukutaichou, you would be able to approach her again."

"I didn't even know you remembered seeing me that day."

"I remember _everything _about that day...every last detail. It was...indescribably painful, don't you agree?"

"Yeah."

Byakuya went quiet for several long moments, then leaned over Renji and examined him briefly.

"You feel feverish."

Renji nodded.

"I feel dizzy."

Byakuya studied him more closely and his eyes darkned with concern.

"You have some sort of infection. You need a more powerful infusion of reiatsu, but I cannot manage that as I am now."

He gazed down at the redhead, thinking deeply. Renji groaned and tried to speak, but his words ran together and made no sense.

_He's deteriorating so quickly. He needs that infusion now..._

He placed a hand on Renji's bare, sweaty chest, seeking out his spirit centers and touching each with a small flicker of power. His heart sank as he realized that none were responsive.

_It is ironic. I have the spirit centers, but have depleted my reiatsu. He has the reiatsu in his body, but his spirit centers do not function at all. If only there was a way to force the reiatsu from his body into mine..._

He caught his breath painfully as an idea occurred to him.

_But...I cannot do that..._

He bit at his lips, watching with increased worry as Renji grew more and more uncomfortable. Finally, he couldn't bear to allow it.

_It will be painful, and there could be consequences, but...I have to save his life._

He leaned close to the redhead.

"Renji?"

"Mmmmmmm," the redhead moaned, blinking and looking up at Byakuya, "Who are you? Cause you look like my guardian angel."

"You're delirious," the noble said, letting out a frustrated breath, "Renji, listen. There is something I have to do...to...be able to restore my powers. I need my powers so that I can heal you. It is...the only way."

"C'mere Angel," Renji sighed, pulling the stunned noble down on top of him, "Lips that rosy were meant for kissing."

Byakuya froze as Renji's lips fastened on his. His eyes widened, but he didn't resist as Renji turned and rolled him onto his back, still kissing him.

"You're mouth is sweet," he mumbled, kissing Byakuya harder, "Better hold on to your halo, because I'm taking the two of us right to heaven..."

"Really, Abarai..." Byakuya muttered, as the redhead thrust a lusty tongue into the noble's cool mouth, "Stop. I don't think I can go through with this."

"Don't worry," Renji said, laughing dizzily, "I know what I'm doing."

"What an ironic declaration," Byakuya mused as Renji's hand slid down beneath his yukata and touched him more intimately, "Renji, I know that this is the only way to restore my powers, but I think that..."

"Shh," Renji said, touching a finger to Byakuya's soft lips, "Don't think. Thass usually your first mistake."

"You don't know what you are saying, much less what you are doing. Please Renji...stop...before..."

Renji's mouth invaded his more roughly, and his hand teased Byakuya's body shamelessly. The noble's eyes widened, and he flushed a deep pink. Renji attacked the blushing skin voraciously, leave Byakuya light-headed and panting softly.

_Hisana's kisses were never so hard and passionate as this. We never touched each other in anything but a gentle way..._

"Renji..."

"Don't be so tense, Angel," the redhead whispered, licking his earlobe and sending a hard shiver down the noble's spine, "Everyone's nervous their first time. Just close your eyes. Let me do all the work."

"But you are ill," Byakuya objected, feeling as flushed and feverish as the redhead was, "I don't want you to make things worse..."

Renji's tongue plunged into his mouth, silencing him, and the redhead's strong hands held him down.

_Even with his spirit centers shut down and so many injuries, he feels strong..._

"Do you trust me?"

Byakuya looked up into Renji's hazed eyes and paled. He couldn't make himself answer. But he found he needn't have worried, as Renji blundered on, not seeming to notice his resistance at all. Byakuya gasped and tightened his hands on the redhead's shoulders as Renji began to slowly prepare him for their lovemaking. His mouth assaulted the noble's face and throat, leaving him unable to speak, barely able to breathe. Byakuya made a sound of pain as the redhead continued, but Renji's mouth devoured the sounds, and managed to dull his awareness of the discomfort. By the time, Renji finished the preparation, he was more relaxed.

Until Renji shifted and he got a look at how big the redhead was. His eyes went wide, and he tore away from the other man, all too aware that there was nowhere to go. Renji stalked him on hands and knees, his body shivering and his eyes glazed with fever. He slowly back the noble into a corner, then captured him and started kissing him again. He held the noble's face gently in his hands, forcing Byakuya to look into his beautiful, senseless red-brown eyes.

"I won't hurt you," Renji said, lowering him onto his back.

Byakuya went quiet and still, loathe to think about how it might hurt. But what pain there was, was tempered by the gentleness with which he was taken. Renji worked his way inside, then paused and smiled at him.

"See..." the redhead panted in his ear, "That wasn't so bad, ne?"

"Shut up," Byakuya said, turning his head away as Renji began a slow, rhythmic movement.

He hadn't ever...not ever in his life imagined doing something like that. But if he had to be completely honest, he loved feeling Renji's powerful body moving on top of him that way. It made him moan and pant, and cling harder to the redhead.

_But if I didn't know that he was delirious and out of control...that he won't remember any of this, I could never have..._

His thoughts disappeared as Renji gave a hard groan and stiffened on top of him. He felt an odd twitching inside, then a flare of intense heat that made his own body seize and shudder beautifully. Byakuya took a surprised breath, his spirit centers drinking in the power and flaring to life. He met Renji's mouth for a stormy exchange of those hard, penetrating kisses. Then Byakuya touched a hand to the redhead's face, incapacitating him.

Renji collapsed on top of him, and Byakuya rested quietly beneath him, his head spinning with pleasure and black spots dancing before his eyes. He took slow breaths until his vision cleared, then carefully turned Renji onto his back and cleaned away all traces of what had taken place. He bent over the redhead and gave him the deeper infusion of healing reiatsu he needed. Then, he touched a palm to the ground, invoking his power to make things grow, and watching as a plant sprang to life and grew just enough to yield several small pieces of fruit. He devoured them hungrily and sighed in relief at the end of the feeling of hunger he had endured. He raised Renji's consciousness enough to allow him to drink the juice of one of the fruits, then watched as he fell into a more contented sleep.

_Thank goodness that worked. I was worried that it might not, but...now, at least we can sustain ourselves._

_And he never has to know what lengths we had to go to._

_Or the price for taking those steps._

_It was my decision._

_I will pay the price willingly._


	3. The Confession

**Chapter 3: The Confession**

**(Ah...FF is finally working again, but has overwhelmed my inbox with an avalanche of PM's and reviews...a lovely windfall! But it means there simply isn't time to address them all and still deliver chapters, so while I get the situation under control, I will give my deepest and most heartfelt thanks to everyone here. Thanks so much to all of you who are reading and reviewing! Thanks to Fanficstalker (Happy Birthday!), BunnyHopster26, D-chan, Ichibanseiken (Sorry to disappoint you, but an mpreg is connected to the storyline and it would take me forever to redesign the story without it. I am working on a few new non-mpregs, but I have to admit, I have a weakness for them!), Irockyourworld123, GJ, Autheane, Anelir-sensei, Walkure, Alabirdie, Pen-Aine, Lillian, Aangfan, Roisin Ichimaru, Tomyallen, Anamyous (Where Bloodlust and Pride Meet will be updated soon! :) ), MandeeMaggot (I love all of your insights. It gives me so much 'food for thought' as I write!), Mina Kye, Cherry Pin-up 42, Firebirdever, Liv2luv, Ren-Renji, Dragonprincess01, Liqiu03, Princess Moon Shadow, Cptn. Suz, and Bleached Whale (Is this fast enough for you? LOL)! If, kami forbid, I missed anyone, a thousand pardons. I am trying to make sure to show my deep gratitude to everyone supporting my work. I am growing every day as a writer thanks to all of you. *wipes sweat from brow and tears from eyes* Truly, you are the best, all of you! :) Spunky feels very blessed. I am off now to attend to a birthday delivery of Aizen/Bya and Aizen/Tetsuya stories for the lovely Sariniste!)**

"T-tai...chou...wha...?" Renji mumbled deliriously.

Byakuya uncurled himself from where he had wrapped his body around the redhead's for warmth. An icy shock of cold air chilled him almost instantly, and his breath misted in the air in front of him. He was surprised to find the redhead's face and chest covered with sweat, and his skin flushed.

"Oh god...that feels...s'g-good..." whispered the redhead as a cloth Byakuya had moistened with the watery juice of one of the fruits he had grown, touched his hot face.

"You might be a little sticky after this, Abarai," the noble warned him, barely managing to keep his teeth from chattering, "but I ran out of the little bit of water I had left, so this will have to do."

He sighed softly.

"The only less sticky option would have been to remove the sweat using my tongue, which, I think you would agree would be a bit too primal an option for either of us."

"Ungh...huh?" moaned Renji, "I don't...Taichou? Is that...?"

"As though you would notice in the state you're in. Don't try to talk," Byakuya said softly, "It will just use up more of your strength. Renji, I have done everything I know how to do to save your life. I am not a healer...and I have already..."

"R-rukia?" Renji groaned dazedly, "Why the fuck's this stupid town gotta be s-so damned c-cold!"

He snuggled closer to the noble, tightening his shaking arms around Byakuya's slender torso.

"Y'smell good," he mumbled, "Y'been picking flowers again?"

"I'm afraid that our prospects as far as encountering even a scrap of foliage beyond what I can create are extremely dismal. I could, perhaps manage a few herbs and blend them with fruit juice to make tea..."

Renji's rough-skinned hand rose suddenly and patted him on the head like a child.

"There y'go kiddo. D-don't spend it all in one place. I won't be back 'til next payday. Fuck...I gave it all away and f'rgot to save some t'buy some tea for Taichou on the way back. Looks like I'll have t'do some jobs for Kano to pay for that."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

"Hmmm," he muttered, brushing several stray hairs away from the redhead's forehead, then checking for fever, "You shouldn't be spending you money to buy my tea anyway. I would replace it myself if you ever told me we were running out. We'll need to have a talk about that when we return home."

A sudden swell of sickness passed through his midsection as he thought of home, and he pushed the mental image away.

_I cannot think about home...or whether or not we will see it again. Our world is constructed of the rocks that surround us...sand, dust, a few scraps of clothing and the food I can create between bouts of healing. I cannot consider anything beyond that._

"T-taichou?"

_I've lost track of the days. I can feel that I'm not sleeping enough, but I dare not sleep as long as this infection threatens to overcome him._

"Taichou, I...I'm feeling pretty crappy."

Byakuya turned a pretty gray eye on him.

"I imagine so."

_He's not even lucid..._

"I'm not gonna die, right?" Renji panted softly, "I mean...I made it for a whole month after, ne? S-so...this is..."

_Kami, he is awake!_

He forced a disapproving frown over the look of concern.

"Don't be ridiculous, Renji. It's not that bad. Just rest and you will be fine."

_How many times have I told him that particular lie? If each lie is a weight on my soul, I will probably wake up in the lowest corner of the underworld when I die here...but...he is still alive, so there is time to make truth out of those little white lies, ne?_

"You want some tea, Taichou?"

"Later, Abarai," Byakuya said, watching as Renji's consciousness faded, "When you have rested."

"Oh..." the redhead sighed, "S'no trouble...Tai..."

_I need to keep him warmer. Perhaps..._

He left Renji sleeping and moved to the cave entrance, where the rock had tumbled down. He gathered several of serviceable size and laid them in a cluster. Placing his hands over them, he slowly infused them with a warming kido spell.

_I don't like how porous these particular rocks are. The more porous ones tend to be less..._

He cringed and covered his face as two of the rocks exploded, propelling bits into his crouched form.

_Less stable._

He carefully collected the rocks that hadn't exploded and carried them back to the redhead. He laid them near Renji, but not close enough for him to reach if he moved about in his sleep. Then, he sat beside the redhead, picking the sharp bits of rock out of his skin, where they had embedded themselves.

"You look like you don't feel so good, Taichou," Renji said, surprising the noble in that he was again awake and sitting up.

But a moment later, he laid back down again, kicking away the clothing that Byakuya had wrapped around him.

"Ugh...too hot..." he moaned unhappily.

Byakuya moved closer and touched Renji's face, checking for fever. He still seemed warm, but his skin had lost the heavy redness and had started to regain a more natural tone.

_Although, it won't look right to me until he regains his tattoos._

_However long that will be..._

He didn't dare to contemplate that. Instead, he left Renji's side and gathered two dried and rounded peels from the fruit they had eaten, as well as several fresh fruits. He placed his palms on the sandy floor of the cave and focused his growth powers, making several small herbs sprout. He collected the leaves and crushed some between his fingers, then dropped them into the rounded shells. He squeezed fresh juice into the makeshift cups and stirred the juice and herbs together before warming them with kido. He carried a cup back to Renji and lifted his head, putting the cup to his lips and coaxing him into taking several swallows.

"Unh...huh...wha...what is that?"

"It is herbal tea," Byakuya said quietly, "It will make you feel better."

"N-nothing's gonna make me feel better. I really think I'm...dy..."

"Be quiet," Byakuya said, drowning out the words and feeding Renji several more small sips of the tea.

"N-no, really, Rukia. This feels so fucking bad that dying would feel better."

"Don't be stupid," Byakuya said, frowning, "Stop talking about dying. I didn't strand myself with you...put the broken pieces of your body back together...I didn't feed your life force with mine so that you could give up now. I'll have no more of that talk. None, Renji."

"F-feed my life force with...are you crazy, Rukia?" Renji groaned, "Soutaichou will fry your ass!"

"That is assuming that he ever sees it again," Byakuya said dryly, "But after months of icy coldness, I will likely be too numb to feel the flames of his zanpakutou. So don't bother worrying for me."

Renji's eyes blinked and squinted, then seemed to clear slightly. He panted softly, and his hand sought Byakuya's.

"Taichou?"

"You recognize me now?" Byakuya asked softly.

"Y-yeah. Why? Didn't I before?"

"No, you thought I was Rukia."

Renji started to laugh, then coughed and frowned.

"S-sorry, Taichou," he groaned, "I hurt all over."

"I know."

"I want to go back to sleep, but there's this feeling inside me...like if I fall asleep, I'm not gonna wake up."

Byakuya took a breath, but couldn't speak.

"S-something is bugging me. I...did something a long time ago. And...I just...I need to say...to admit it...to someone."

Byakuya gazed at him quietly, listening.

"When...Rukia and I lived...in Inuzuri, things were really bad sometimes."

"I know they were. But you were strong...for yourself, for Rukia, and for others."

"It was...the little kids that always got me. Taichou, I can't look at a little kid who's suffering, and not help them. I c-can't..."

"You are a person of deep empathy. I understand that," said the noble.

"The winter was cold...and we'd found three kids...siblings, whose parents had died in a h-hollow attack. We didn't have...enough supplies, but we c-couldn't let them starve, you know. So, we took them in. And the winter ran late. And the food ran out. We d-didn't know what to do. I went into town, and I...I...I shouldn't have done it, but...Shima-san said that it was just for one night. And so...I mean, I knew it was wrong, but the kids and Rukia were starving, you know?"

Byakuya bit at his lips and closed his eyes against the words.

_Why couldn't we have found you sooner?_

"You," Renji whispered dazedly, "You're disappointed, aren't you? You didn't think I would stoop so low. But..."

"You think that I do not know the lengths to which one would go in honoring love? Do you really, Renji?"

Renji's eyes blinked and stared, as though seeing Byakuya for the first time.

"S-so, you mean that you...?"

"I think that you did what you had to do, under the circumstances," the noble said, leaning forward to wash the redhead's tear dampened face, "You traded your innocence for their well-being. There is a reason that you are a better brother than I am."

"You're not...a bad brother," Renji objected, "You've been great to Rukia since Aizen's defection. She really loves you."

"She loves you as well, Abarai. And that is why we _are_ going to go back."

Tears filled Renji's eyes and he reached up to touch Byakuya's cheek lightly, making the noble flinch and look away.

"Taichou," he said in a weary voice, "Taichou, why did you have to come here? I admit it hurt pretty bad, and I wasn't looking forward to dying, but it made me feel better to think that Rukia would still have you."

Byakuya sighed and brushed away a tear that leaked from the redhead's sad, red-brown eye.

"I don't want to die, but even more than that, I don't want her to be left alone there and you to be left alone here."

"Then," Byakuya said, lying down next to him, "you had best not die."

"But what good am I to you?" Renji said, his voice breaking, "I can't _do _anything. All I can do is lie here and worry you."

"You can also keep me warm."

Renji's arms wrapped around him and held him tightly.

"Why did you come here? Why?" he repeated in a wounded tone.

"I seem to suffer from the same affliction as you," Byakuya said calmly, "I cannot look at a kid who is suffering and not help."

But you weren't looking at me, Taichou," Renji sobbed softly, "You were safe on the other side of that barrier...safe and warm and with _her_. I didn't want you to come here. I didn't."

"Well, I am here, just the same, which means that you are simply going to have to be determined not to leave me. After all, however weak you may feel, my chances of survival are better while you are here to keep my spirits up."

Renji sniffed, then turned his head and looked into the noble's dark eyes.

"Are you afraid?" he asked, his voice catching.

"What do I have to be afraid of?" Byakuya asked quietly, "We are safe from the hollows. We have food and shelter, and we have each other. We will be fine until you are well enough for travel."

"But Taichou, my markings have still not returned. And Zabimaru hasn't healed. What if he never does? What if I've lost him and I'm stuck with no power for..."

"Hush, Renji. Don't talk like that. It isn't going to help to become more distressed."

"But I..."

Byakuya sighed.

"If it would make you feel more hopeful, I could use a kido spell to redraw your markings. It would not restore your powers, but it might go a ways in restoring some of your dignity."

"You think you can do that? You remember how they were?"

"I have encountered them enough times to remember...yes. I believe I could."

"But...some of them were in sort of private places, Taichou. You mean to say you looked that closely?"

Byakuya brushed off the question and sat up. He leaned over the redhead and made the kido swell around his hands. His eyes went hazy as he looked down at Renji's unmarked body and remembered. Renji stared in silent wonder as the noble's graceful hands moved over him, lovely pink light around them as Byakuya slowly redrew the black markings, bit by bit...pausing now and then to study Renji as an artist would the canvas as he worked. And the dark eyes, Renji thought, were warmer and more affectionate and kind than they ever had been. He wanted to keep looking into them, but was forced to look away as Byakuya carefully turned him onto his stomach and began to work his way down the back of the redhead's neck. His fingers carefully brushed the red mane out of the way and made the long, slow journey down the back of his neck, in a dance across his broad shoulders and down his spine. Those cool, gentle fingers teased his bottom as they remade the markings there, then Byakuya added the last to the backs of his legs and pulled away to look. Renji sat up for a moment and looked down at himself, a slow smile coming to his lips, and his red-brown eyes shining with gratitude.

"You did it perfectly, Taichou," Renji said, staring, "It looks exactly right. But then, your calligraphy is so good that it makes sense that you would be good at this too."

Before he quite realized what he was doing, he wrapped his arms around the surprised noble and buried his face in the noble's sakura scented hair to hide the returning tears.

"Thank you, Taichou. Thank you so much. I know it doesn't bring back my powers, but it helps anyway. So...thank you."

Byakuya didn't answer, but rested his head on Renji's shoulder, breathing in his rich, deeply masculine scent and enjoying the tickle of red hair that teased his cheek and throat. He looked down at Renji's newly marked body and felt a warm, heady jolt in his loins. He caught his breath softly and tried to let go, But Renji's arms held him close, and warm, dry lips touched his cheek. He turned his head to look into Renji's eyes again and blushed hotly as Renji's warm lips pressed against his.

_What is this?_

_What is happening?_

_Is it because of the situation we are in...or have our worlds truly collided._

_Renji?_

_I didn't answer before, but if I had, I would have said yes._

_I am afraid._


	4. Can We Start This Over Again?

**Chapter 4: Can We Start This Over Again?**

**(An avalanche of thank yous to the many lovely readers and reviewers making this story a serious contender for one of my best ever! Thanks to Cynder81, MandeeMaggot ( I also think Byakuya is extremely funny without even meaning to be. He has this dry wit that is understated, and some people miss it entirely, but we live for it!), Geecee, Fanficstalker, Bleached-Whale, Anelir-sensei, RedSnow4 (This chapter is funnier rather than hot, but hot is on the way! XD), Mina Kye, BunnyHopster26, Anamyous (LOL, I hope you like this one better!), Kakashii'sWifey (I'm sure the boys will find a way out of their predicament, but things may get tense at times), Sscullys, Autheane, Archangel-Angelo, Walkure (Although Bya will carry the bundle, there will be plenty of mutual distress and comforting.), Roisin Ichimaru (I like intricate plots, but more intense personal/emotional drama makes for a good read too. I agree!), DragonPrincess01 (It is sweet to watch Byakuya fall in love with Renji. 100+ stories and I am still thinking of new ways to make it happen!), Cherry Pinup 42 (No worries, nothing more non-con than what has appeared will happen. All further sexual contact will be completely consensual...and HOT...), D-Chan (I am half done with the next chapter of LTLWS2, so you will see more of that very soon!), Tomyallen (Here, I think that the antagonist is the environment. They may encounter a powerful hollow that is the reason the area was sealed off, but the main focus of the story will continue to be the development of the main characters' relationship.), Moegi (Thanks! :) I will have a look at my Urahara/Ichigo stories and see what I can do to make you smile!), Ren-Renji, Aangfan, GJ, Cptn. Suz (LOL, I'm always giddy, no helium needed!), Princess Moon Shadow, and Liqiu03. Whew! Spunky needs a nap before work. Enjoy the chapter! Oh, and the reference made to Florence Nightingale should be easy to understand, but Nurse Diesel is a character from Mel Brooks' movie, High Anxiety...don't worry, you'll know when you get to that part of the chapter! Happy reading! Love, Spunky) **

Byakuya stiffened and closed his eyes as Renji's warm, pleasant lips found his. The noble's pale hands tightened on his shoulders, neither to pull him closer, nor push him away, but more as a sort of anchoring. His mind spun into a morass of emotions, a deeply confusing blend of affection, regret, guilt, and the beginnings of something that felt the way he remembered love feeling.

_But love that is true is built upon honest exchanges, and I have not yet been honest with you, Renji._

He tried to free his lips so that he could speak, but Renji's arms only held him more firmly, and the redhead kissed him harder, riling him inside and making him long to sink more deeply into those loving arms, to open his mouth and let himself be explored by the one person he most wished would want to learn his secrets.

But the very thought of sharing secrets, brought him back to the truths he had not yet shared with Renji...the ones that might halt their coupling before it began. He made his eyes open, then caught his breath in surprise at realizing that Renji was no longer kissing him, but was merely holding him in place and wearing a somewhat flustered expression. He stared into his fukutaichou's lovely red-brown eyes and waited breathlessly.

"Damn," the redhead said softly, "I am...really sorry Taichou. That was way out of line, I know. I just...it was such a comfort to have them back...to look more like myself again. And I have to admit that it got to me, having your hands touch me like that. But I understand. It's inappropriate because you are my taichou. And even if not for that, you are the head of a noble clan. You probably..."

He broke off as soft fingertips touched his lips, stilling them, and the dark gray eyes sought his.

"You misunderstand," Byakuya said solemnly, "This is not about me being your taichou. As much as such things are frowned upon in the Gotei 13, there is no specific rule prohibiting a relationship between taichou and subordinate, as long as it is discreet, and not coerced in any way. And as far as my being head of household, you might remember that I was married to a commoner before."

"But you vowed never to break the clan laws again," objected the redhead, "Wouldn't taking up with me break the rules and make a lie of that promise?"

Byakuya gave him an odd, cryptic look.

"These are...unusual circumstances," he said, meeting Renji's eyes guardedly.

"What do you mean?" asked Renji, releasing his hold on the noble.

He felt a jolt of surprise when Byakuya did not let go, but continued to hold on to him with gentle, but insistent hands.

"I have a confession to make," the noble said quietly, "And it may change the way you feel about becoming involved with me."

Renji looked at him questioningly.

"I know about the sharing of life force," he said, "I was out of it, but I got that part. And I admit that it was kinda shocking, but it wasn't..."

"That is not all that happened," Byakuya admitted, feeling a quiver inside as he looked Renji in the eyes and let the truth begin to emerge, "But perhaps I should begin with why, and then talk about how."

"I don't understand," said Renji, "Taichou, what did you do?"

"You must first understand that when I reached you, you were clinically dead. You were not breathing and your heart was not beating."

"Shit..." muttered Renji, paling slightly.

Byakuya paused, gathering himself before going on.

"You were nearly cut in half, and your sword arm..."

He stopped again, flinching and catching his breath at the horrid memory. Renji frowned and pulled away from him, gazing down at his arm and testing the appendage. He found the limb somewhat stiff and numb in a few places, but functional.

"Are you saying that it was...?"

"Detatched...completely."

Renji's face went white.

"Holy hell...Taichou..."

He halted for a moment, considering.

"Taichou," he said in a shaken voice, "We both know you aren't a healer. You have strong powers, but there's no way you would be able to fix that. Are you...? Is that what you are telling me? You healed that? How?"

"I wasn't sure that it would work," Byakuya explained.

"What? That _what_ would work?" asked Renji, looking genuinely spooked, "What did you _do_ to me, Taichou?"

"There is a kind of bonding among some members of the noble clans. I wasn't sure that I could invoke such a bond with a commoner, but, your injuries notwithstanding, you are a taichou class shinigami. I thought there was a chance it would work."

Renji stared at him, wide-eyed as he struggled to find the right words to explain.

"There had to be a strong connection between us. And apparently, I was correct in thinking that there was."

"Well, yeah," agreed Renji, "We've come a long way since Aizen's betrayal."

"That is what I was thinking. It gave me enough courage to try to invoke the bond. As the life tried to leave your body completely, I stopped the outflow of blood and reiatsu, and I bolstered your remaining life force with my own. But even that wasn't enough to save you."

Renji couldn't think of a thing to say, so he nodded dumbly and continued to listen raptly.

"Your spirit centers were incapable of controlling the flow of reiatsu through your body, so it wasn't going to be able to heal properly. But noble pair bonding is a very deep kind of connection. It allows the pair to communicate without speaking. It makes them able to see through one another's eyes and to sense that path of their emotions. But perhaps its greatest power is that it allows that when one of the pair is injured, the injured one's body sends signals to the mate's body...instructing it exactly what to provide. In short, your injured body told my body what it needed, and my body provided it, without conscious thought on my part."

Renji stared at him incredulously.

"P-pair bonding?" he repeated, trying at once to ingest both that and the extent of damage that the noble had been able to heal, "Mate?"

"Yes," Byakuya confessed, "what I did was to open a connection between the two of us, that is meant to be a love bond...but I did so without your consent, because I was determined to keep you from dying and I knew of no other way."

"But you don't love me."

The words were tightly controlled, but Byakuya felt the pain beneath them.

"I did not say that," he said quietly, "If the potential for love was not present between the two of us, then the bond would not have opened. But even though the potential was present, our affection for each other is in its infancy. I do not think that you could honestly tell me that you are in love with me, ne Renji?"

"I...I don't know," Renji admitted, "I do know that I feel very connected to you. I have almost since the day we first saw each other, when you came to ask Rukia to join your family."

"There is affection between us, but it needs to be allowed to grow at its own pace. So, you see why I cannot answer your question."

"Yeah," said Renji, shaking his head to clear it, "I think so. But, I mean, I'm not going to be pissed at you for that, Taichou. You were saving my life. And if I had to choose between dying and being pair bonded with you, I think being bonded to you is definitely the better option."

"So...you are not angry?" Byakuya asked hesitantly.

Renji smiled.

"You saved my life. I'm grateful. And you just said that we'll grow into love with each other. That doesn't sound bad either. If it was, do you think I would have kissed you like that?"

"I am glad to hear that," Byakuya said, looking somewhat relieved.

Renji read his expression and his smile faded.

"But...?"

Byakuya took a steadying breath.

"But your healing asked more of me than I could give. In the month that followed your injury, you drifted in and out of consciousness. You needed numerous infusions of reiatsu, and as you know, I was not able to eat or rest properly to restore myself. By the time you began to regain some cognizance, I was nearly depleted. Then, an infection formed in your sword arm, and was spreading through your body. You needed another lifesaving infusion, but it was beyond what I could offer you. I needed a way to replenish my reiatsu. Ironically, your body contained the reiatsu, but not the means to use it. I knew that if I was to heal you, then I had to find a way to collect the reiatsu from you and use it to heal you."

Renji's eyes widened with sudden understanding.

"You...? While I was out of it, you...?" he stammered, "T-taichou..."

"I admit that I wanted to. I even started to...but I could not go through with it. As much as I was afraid for you, I couldn't take such liberties."

"Then...?"

"It seems that my initial attempts to...initiate sex...provoked you."

"What? I...attacked you?" Renji asked, breathlessly.

"You did not attack me. You seduced me. And I gave in," the noble admitted, blushing.

"Just to heal me?" Renji asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Y-yes...no...I am not completely sure. All I was thinking was that I didn't want you to die. Everything else was a mere blur in my mind."

"And now?"

"If you are asking me if I regret what I did to heal you, then the answer is no. I do not regret it at all. You can hate me for what I did, and I will accept it readily. I even accept that I would deserve your anger. As long as you are living and breathing, I am not concerned with how it was managed, but _that_ it was managed."

"You want me living and breathing," the redhead said quietly, "but do you want me as your lover?"

Byakuya sighed and closed his eyes.

"It doesn't matter, Renji. I do not deserve your love, after taking advantage of you, and throwing caution to the wind for my own selfish reasons. The penalty of letting my heart make me act so recklessly is that we are both trapped here, both in danger of dying, and..."

He went silent, swallowing hard as the truth he had avoided thinking about came back and struck at him.

"What?" Renji asked, moving closer and slipping a hand into his, "It seems we're already bonded permanently and doomed to fall in love eventually, ne? What other horrible thing did you do? You make me pregnant or something?"

"I accepted _your_ seed into _my_ body, Renji," Byakuya said, very softly, "And because we are a bonded pair, that means that I could be pregnant. And if I am, it could seriously interfere with my ability to protect the two of us."

"It will affect your powers?" the redhead asked, his voice quivering slightly.

"To some extent," Byakuya said, drawing strength from the fact that Renji seemed accepting of what he had done, "But the greater concern is that noble male pregnancy requires periodic bonding...reiatsu based bonding. Your spirit centers have been damaged. Your body continues to collect and hold reiatsu within it, but you cannot control its flow. So..."

Sudden understanding flooded Renji's eyes, and he covered his mouth to stifle a fit of laughter.

Byakuya frowned.

"What the devil could you possibly be _laughing_ about, baka? We are in the middle of enemy territory, stranded with no way to get home. I am barely able to generate enough food for us to keep our strength up and help you heal. There is no end to our predicament in sight, I may be pregnant, and you are laughing? Have you lost your mind?"

He rolled his eyes and let out a disgusted breath as the redhead continued to struggle to control the laughing fit he'd gone into.

"S-sorry Taichou," Renji giggled apologetically, "B-but...wh-when you said...a-about the reiatsu in my body and...can't get into yours. You meant that we would have to have sex to complete the bonding? Are we talking about a _lot _of sex, because I _was _almost cut in half, you know."

"Shut up!" Byakuya hissed, his dark eyes flashing, "How _dare_ you speak to me that way! Lie down at once and stop that incessant laughing."

"Huh, not feeling so guilty now, ne?" Renji muttered, smirking as he complied, "How quickly he goes from Florence Nightingale to..."

His words were stopped as Byakuya shoved him down onto the soft, sandy floor of the cave.

"I have had just about enough of your _nonsense_, Abarai," he said reprovingly, "One more insubordinate word from your tongue and I will simply knock you unconscious. Now, get some rest."

"Whew, it's more like from Florence Nightingale to Nurse Diesel!" Renji huffed, turning away.

"You watch too much living world television," Byakuya said dismissively.

"I guess you do too, if you understand what I was talking about."

"I might have seen a few programs while on duty there from time to time, enough to make me quite aware that you just compared me to a domineering, BDSM loving nurse from a psychiatric ward. You are lucky I didn't just undo all of that healing I've done for you. Shut up and lie down. You do need to get your rest, Renji."

"Yup," agreed Renji, hiding a smirk, "All of that sex will be tiring, ne?"

His eyes widened as a quick shock of kido incapacitated him and left him senseless.

Byakuya leaned over him, shaking his head and frowning disapprovingly. He laid the redhead on his back and carefully tested each spirit center, praying silently for a reaction. Two of the seven emitted tiny return flurries, but the other five remained dormant.

_It is something, but we have a long way to go. If it turns out that I am pregnant, I may not be able to protect us sufficiently on my own. We will be able to bond through sexual exchanges._

He felt a blush on his cheeks as he remembered being taken by the redhead before. He tried to imagine looking into Renji's fully cognizant eyes and being with him like that, but couldn't get the sound of the redhead's cheerful laughing out of his head.

_What have I gotten myself into? He is a child in a man's body. He seems to forget the seriousness of the situation we're in. I don't know how we are going to get out of this._

He rested a hand on his slender abdomen for a moment.

_And there may be yet another life at risk now._

A warm, rough hand touched his shoulder and he turned in surprise as Renji pulled him down and kissed him.

"Stop that! What are you doing? How are you even awake? I just..."

"You didn't shock me that hard. You were probably worried about hurting me. But I think we both need to rest. C'mon."

Byakuya looked back at him with troubled eyes. Renji coaxed the noble into his arms, and Byakuya slowly brought his head to rest on the redhead's shoulder. He closed his eyes and let himself relax into the soothing rise and fall of Renji's breathing.

_There isn't anything to be gained by worrying. We'll have to just take things as they come._

He glanced over at the broken pieces of Zabimaru.

_He will be all right._

_He will regain his powers._

_And we are going to get home safely._

_After that, we can worry about the rest._


	5. Soul Healing

**Chapter 5: Soul Healing**

Renji shivered softly upon waking alone, and rolled onto his side, looking around the dimly lit cave for Byakuya. He spotted the noble off to the side of where they had been sleeping, kneeling in the sand and leaning over the pieces of Zabimaru. He started to speak, but stopped himself as his eyes adjusted and he took in the noble's lost looking expression. It was so unlike any emotion he had ever seen on Byakuya's face that he hardly dared to move. Instead, he relaxed, with his head rested on his arms and watched as the noble's fingers touched the broken pieces of the zanpakutou, as his lips quivered and tightened, and as he invoked his power, trying to undo some of the hurt that had been done to his subordinate's weapon.

"Senbonzakura," he said quietly.

The air next to Byakuya shimmered for a moment, then the spirit of the noble's weapon manifested. He knelt next to his shinigami master and touched the broken pieces of Zabimaru as Byakuya had, conveying in the slow gentle caress of his gloved hands, the same deep emotion that Byakuya had upon studying the zanpakutou.

"Can you sense anything?" Byakuya asked softly, an odd, unfamiliar edge of desperation in his voice.

"I am sorry, Master," replied Senbonzakura, bowing his head, "I sense nothing coming from within the blade. But...do not lose hope. You know that the sword would have faded completely if Zabimaru had been irrevocably destroyed."

"Yes," agreed the noble, "It is encouraging that the sword still maintains its physical form. However, that alone does not guarantee that the blade will ever regain its powers. I am going to attempt a deeper infusion. Because of the connection between Renji and me that opened when I shared my life force with him, I should be able to enter his inner world."

"But master," objected Senbonzakura, "If the blade has no reiatsu and Abarai-san has no powers, their inner world may be in a state of decay...too unstable to be safe for you to enter. Let me go instead. At least, then, if anything happens to me, you will still be able to use your kido and other abilities to protect the two of you."

Byakuya hesitated, his eyes fastened on the masked samurai and his body shivering slightly. Renji waited breathlessly as the noble touched the samurai's masked face lightly with the fingertips that had recently caressed the broken Zabimaru.

"We will give Zabimaru more time," he said quietly, "We certainly have enough of that, trapped as we are, and with no rescue in sight."

"But master, you may be with child," objected Senbonzakura, "and if you are, then waiting too long to take action could be deadly."

"And acting in haste could be deadly as well," the noble reminded his samurai counterpart, "Patience, Senbonzakura, we will have our answers soon. And when we do, we will want to have confidence that they are correct in their estimation. After all, a man's future hang in the balance. We do not want to act rashly or jump to conclusions and make things worse."

"Yes master," Senbonzakura said, fading away.

Byakuya's fingers caressed Zabimaru's hilt and his mind went back to his battle with Renji over Rukia's fate.

_There was such strength in his blade, in his defiant soul, then. I could feel it in each strike. I could see it burning in his eyes and feel it in the blaze of his reiatsu all around him. He meant to break me...and with time and experience, he could have. Had he continued to walk that violent path, he would not have stopped until he cut me down. Such is the drive behind his efforts to become stronger. It was something that was born and grew inside him as he struggled to survive the harsh and deadly streets of Inuzuri. And it continues to push him to constantly strive to improve himself. Not out of discipline, as has always been my way, but out of need._

_Renji..._

"Stop looking so serious," Renji's voice said, startling him as he crawled to where Byakuya sat and knelt beside him, looking down at Zabimaru with sad, but calm eyes, "You're not going to make that sword come back to life by willing it to happen."

"No," agreed the noble, closing his eyes, "Zabimaru will have to fight to make his own path back to you. Mine is not the hand, nor the unshakeable will that will decide his fate."

"No, it's not," agreed the redhead, leaning against Byakuya, "Only Zabimaru and I can re-forge that connection. And I don't plan on giving up any time soon. Taichou, you have to stop worrying so much about me. I am going to grow strong again. And we are going to get out of here and go home."

"I am aware of that," Byakuya replied softly, "but even so, the way to doing that is tremendously complicated...perilous..."

"Are you scared?"

Byakuya scowled.

"How dare you insult me by asking me a question like that!"

A soft quiver went through him as Renji remained where he was, and held Byakuya's piercing gaze fearlessly.

_I remember when he would not have been able to look directly into my eyes. And now, even in the midst of such uncertainty, he shows that unbreakable will...that determination that nothing is going to defeat him..._

_Why does that make me even more afraid?_

"I'm scared to death," Renji admitted, still looking into Byakuya's shadowed eyes, "but if Inuzuri taught me one thing, it's that when a person's strength is taken away, he just has to find other ways to be strong...if he wants to survive. And I figure that you and I have plenty to live for, so I'm not going to give up."

The words left Byakuya speechless. His icy gaze softened and he looked away quickly.

"I'll make us some tea," he said curtly, feeling a sense of relief at escaping Renji's eyes.

He made a sound of surprise and stiffened in reaction as Renji's arms wrapped around him from behind, and the redhead's chin came to rest on his shoulder.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Byakuya asked a bit breathlessly as Renji's arms tightened around him and held him in place.

"Taichou, you don't have to do this."

"I don't know what you mean," Byakuya said, a shiver going through him as Renji's fingers laced together with his.

"You're trying so hard to hold on to the walls you put up around yourself," Renji said, planting a soft, reverent kiss on a pale shoulder, "We're a billion miles from everything and everyone we know. No one is looking at you and expecting anything. You don't have to prove your strength to me. You don't have to be my taichou or the Kuchiki clan leader here. You can just be Byakuya for a little while. You've been focused so hard on fixing what's wrong with me that you've neglected yourself. I'm getting better now, Taichou. So, let up a little on yourself, okay? Just take a few deep breaths and relax a bit. We're in a safe place right now, and there's really nothing that needs to be done. So just...let go of everything for a while."

A host of quietly sarcastic responses suggested themselves to the guarded noble. But warmed by Renji's close presence, and as relieved as he was that the redhead was awake, aware, and making sense again, he couldn't make himself say any of those things. He remained frozen in Renji's embrace for several long, silent minutes as he considered his subordinate's words. Then, he turned in Renji's arms and faced the redhead, his dark eyes reflective. When he finally found his voice and opened his mouth to speak, he was immediately silenced again by the warmest, sweetest kiss he had ever experienced.

Renji's lips fastened on his and the redhead's lovely, cinnamon colored eyes enchanted him into motionlessness. For just one beautiful moment, everything around them disappeared, and all that mattered was embracing the warmth and tenderness of that long, intense kiss, the touching of their fingertips, the passage of soft breath. They might have left Hueco Mundo and the three worlds behind them and neither would have noticed. All that existed in that moment was the gentle meeting of two connected souls.

"Renji..."

He was stopped again as Renji's mouth closed over his, and a deliciously hot tongue played over his lips, teasing them apart and dipping inside to taste and explore him. Byakuya knew he should be able to make himself move, to pull away and to chastise the redhead for being so heedless, so reckless. But that heedlessness and recklessness had become possible again was such a gift...he couldn't make himself move to disrupt it. Instead, he opened his mouth wider and tilted his head back, quietly accepting the redhead's intense explorations. Renji's fiery, demanding tongue thrust deep into his mouth, caressing his tongue teasingly and touching him everywhere. In all of his life, he had never been kissed in such a way. Always, with Hisana, he had been exceedingly gentle and cautious. Because of her delicate state, he had never unleashed the full strength of his passions. And he hardly dared to do so now, with Renji being in such a reduced state. But he found that with Renji, there was no holding back. As he pushed against the redhead's chest and tried to break away, Renji's arms tightened around him and he dragged the reluctant noble onto his lap.

Byakuya was silenced all over again as he curled around the redhead, and he felt the hard swell of the other man's arousal. His mind flashed back to how it had felt to be filled with that hardness, to feel the powerful motion of Renji's body, to feel control slip away and to be carried over into the throes of release...to lie in those strong arms and share more tender kisses as they drifted off to sleep. He felt pangs of guilt at having experienced such a thing with Renji so senseless and unknowing. But the redhead wasn't senseless now. And the touches on the noble's body were even more compelling, knowing that they were deliberate and intentional.

"Stop it," Renji panted, startling him into opening his eyes, "Stop thinking so much! I'm giving you everything...all of my strength. I want to feel yours. Stop holding back!"

"But you are still..."

Renji stopped his words with a savagely breathtaking kiss.

"No more excuses. No more distancing yourself and posturing. Those damned hollows couldn't kill me with all of their hatred, and there's no way that you will kill me with your love. I want you to make love to me with all of your heart, with all of your body, with all of your soul, Taichou. You shared your life force with me and bound our souls together. I want experience just what that means!"

"Renji...Renji, not now. Not while you are still healing! This is reckless. It's..."

Renji's blazing mouth took his suddenly and devoured the words. A rough-skinned hand slid down between his thighs, touching him as they kissed. Byakuya felt himself being lowered onto his back, then Renji straddled his body, still holding on to the noble's erect member and preparing to settle onto it.

"W-wait!" gasped the noble, "Renji, don't! If I wasn't impregnated before, I could impregnate you. And...the way you are...you would die. I have already caused one lover to die that way."

Renji went still, his eyes staring down into Byakuya's.

"You...think that was your fault?" he asked, frowning.

Byakuya swallowed hard, his chest heaving softly as he tried to catch his breath.

"I made her pregnant and she died, Abarai. How else would one interpret that?"

Byakuya gasped in surprise as Renji sat back and dragged him onto his lap again. Sweat broke out on his forehead as he felt the intense heat of the redhead's body.

"Let me tell you how I interpret it," Renji said, brushing his lips against the noble's ear, then nipping it lightly, "Inuzuri killed Hisana. End of story. But...Inuzuri couldn't kill me. _You_ couldn't kill me when you tried. That bastard, Aizen couldn't kill me and neither could all those hollows that ambushed us. Say what you want, Taichou, but I like my chances of surviving whatever happens between us. If you don't want to take me, that's fine. But one way or another, we're going to make love. So stop letting your head get in the way of that."

Renji's mouth fastened on his again, before he could answer. The redhead's warm, insistent hands reached underneath his yukata and wrapped around his soft, round bottom, coaxing his hips into motion. And faced with the white hot invasion of his mouth by the redhead's sinfully skillful tongue and the erotic friction between their bodies, he felt his resistance fade. He bit down on Renji's mouth, sucking on the redhead's marauding tongue and wanting to close his eyes, but hesitating as he watched the black markings that he had placed on Renji's body move hypnotically with the redhead. He shivered and moaned so wantonly that it made him blush to hear himself.

He felt the yukata slide down off of his shoulders and Renji's mouth attacked the pale, sensitive flesh of his throat, sending fresh chills down his spine and making his body writhe against Renji's with greater urgency. He fell onto his back in the soft sand and watched with hazy eyes as Renji pounced on him and assaulted his mouth with hard, penetrating kisses, then slowly descended the entranced noble's body, caressing and tasting every inch of exposed, white flesh. Having never been explored with such devotion or in such detail, Byakuya wondered if he was being overwhelmed by the devilishly beautiful sensations, or if he might have just forgotten how to breathe and begun to die.

Renji's tongue dipped into his navel and his thoughts scattered like Senbonzakura's petals. For a moment, he closed his eyes and forgot the darkness of their predicament. He lost himself in the lovely, sinful mouth that was kissing its way downward. Renji's mouth then pleasured him so sweetly, that the darkness of the cave disappeared for a time, and all he had was a lovely, deep awareness of the closeness of the one he had begun to love. He had never felt such a connection before, and realizing that beauty nearly brought tears to his dark eyes. And as Renji's ministrations went on, the noble's fingers clenched in the sand he lay in and he panted and moaned feverishly. He was nearly at his wits end by the time Renji crawled back up to his mouth and shared the sweet flavors of his explorations.

"Gods, Renji!" he hissed, his chest heaving and his head spinning as the redhead moved in to take him.

"It's better when I'm fully conscious, ne?" Renji panted, grinning.

"Shut up," the noble snapped, nipping heatedly at his lips.

"You're damned beautiful, Taichou," he whispered, unable to tear his eyes away from the breathtaking sight of his usually reserved and quiet taichou, naked and spread out on the dark sand, his pristine body smudged, sweaty, and shaking softly with anticipation, his pretty lips parted and emitting sweet, senseless moans.

He gave Byakuya a helpless smile and made all distance between them disappear, joining their bodies and bringing them both to the edges of reason.

_This is what drove me to come after you, Renji. For years, we have circled around each other, watching from a distance and appreciating each others' strength and unique beauty. But here is where we should have been all along. Wherever we go, however things change, I will always crave the strength and passion of your arms._

Their pleasure began to crest, and Byakuya was brought back from the quiet of his own mind, into the hot, breathy, earthshaking realm of sexual release. Renji gave a lovely howl of completion and fell still atop his body, still smiling so contentedly that Byakuya couldn't imagine a sight more enchanting. He captured a large, rough-skinned hand and looked into the redhead's sleepy eyes as he kissed each fingertip, then kissed Renji's trembling lips again. Renji's head fell wearily onto a naked, pale shoulder, and his eyes took on a hazy, glazed look.

Byakuya frowned.

"Renji, are you all right?"

_Was it too soon?_

"Renji?"

The redhead's eyes fluttered and closed.

_"Renji!"_


	6. Light Returning

**Chapter 6: Light Returning**

"Renji, answer me!" Byakuya said, an edge of desperation in his voice, "Abarai!"

He froze, staring as pink light flared softly around his body, and a faint red glow flickered around his overcome subordinate.

_Wait a moment._

_This is...?_

Byakuya gasped softly as his core spirit center flared, and a moment later, Renji's core spirit center responded with a gentler, but still palpable flutter. A second spirit center flared inside the noble, and the corresponding center in Renji's body responded.

_Oh! This is...the balancing?_

_I suspected that as he healed and our bond grew, his spirit centers would seek to balance themselves with mine. But...for all of them to fire at once this way is dangerous!_

He reeled as a third spirit center flared, then Renji's flared in response, and as the fourth flared, his head spun and stars began to dance before his eyes. He was barely cognizant when the fifth and sixth spirit centers flared together, and when the last fell into balance, he lost consciousness entirely.

_But, this means that..._

_It means that Renji's spirit centers are healing!_

_We won't know how fully he will recover until we are able to return home, but...Renji is getting his powers back. _

_That is..._

Byakuya was grateful for the fact that they still rested within the reiatsu cage, meaning that his loss of consciousness would not leave them vulnerable.

_But Renji lost consciousness too, and I couldn't tell how well he was handling the balancing._

His thoughts became fuzzy and drifted for a time. He was sure that he heard voices, but could not make himself surface to answer. He felt warm hands on his face, then the touch of a pleasantly cool, wet washcloth. The disembodied voices returned, and Byakuya felt his yukata being opened and warm hands touching his helpless form.

"You said we would have to have sex to force reiatsu from my body into yours. I feel bad doing this while you are so out of it, but you didn't seem to mind before. And it's kinda necessary..."

_Abarai, you idiot!_

_We only needed to have sex to force your reiatsu into my body while your spirit centers were non-functional. This is..._

But, still unable to move due to the shock of their bodies' sudden balancing, he couldn't speak or do anything to object. And even if he could have moved, he wouldn't have wanted to do anything to stop the wonderful feeling of Renji's hands touching him, exploring him, gently preparing him, then joining their bodies as Byakuya struggled to remain somewhat aware. And even unable to move or speak, he felt something like laughter inside at the dedication the redhead put into making love to him.

_He will not be able to remove the blush from his face when he realizes that he seduced me in a semi-conscious state this way, when it was entirely unnecessary for him to do so. I wonder if I should tell him when I can move again._

_Or...should I just let him continue?_

"R-renji..." he breathed deliriously.

The redhead's mouth fastened on his, and talking became impossible.

"Oh!" he groaned, pushing against Renji's chest.

Renji blinked in surprise and looked down into his dazed, half-lidded eyes.

"H-hey, are you conscious now, Taichou? You should be okay, right? I put some reiatsu back in you, ne?"

"Ugh," Byakuya moaned, "Y-you...!"

"You still seem pretty out of it, Taichou. I need to rest for a few minutes and then I'll do it again. Don't worry. I'll have you full of reiatsu in no time!"

"N-nnnno, you...!"

"Don't you worry about me, Taichou," Renji insisted, kissing his lips bracingly, "I feel better now. Just let me help you. You're feverish and you seem delirious. Hold on a sec. I just have to..."

_Abarai, you fool!_

"T-taichou, are you okay? Taichou, why are you laughing? Man, you are really out of it! Okay, I...think I can...yeah, I can do it again now. Hang in there, Taichou."

"Renji," he managed, "Y-you do not have to..."

"Shh," the redhead said, silencing the noble with a kiss, "You took care of me for over a month. Now, let me do this for you."

"But, you do not understand..." Byakuya panted dizzily as Renji's kisses and warm touches stole his breath away, "Renji, you...!"

Renji's mouth clamped down tightly on his, and the redhead moved, derailing his attempts to speak and nearly making thought itself impossible. Byakuya reeled under the force of that strong body moving on top of his, the mouth that devoured his, and the deep, powerful explosion of pleasure that followed. He disappeared into the sensation entirely, enraptured by the intense pleasure, and by the sweet, affectionate expression the redhead wore as he made love to him.

_Oh, it is such a temptation to just give up and let him go on forever like this. But...he is recovering from devastating injury...from nearly dying. I cannot selfishly let him...continue to pleasure me this way..._

He drifted off and only became aware again as Renji's body took his a third time.

"R-renji, you must stop!" he whispered, "It is...enough!"

"No, Taichou," the redhead said, holding him down and making Byakuya gasp as his body was raked with pleasure again, "You still look like hell warmed over, and you can't even talk straight! I'm going to keep doing this until you're all the way awake and talking to me like normal, you understand?"

_I'll never be awake and speaking normally if he keeps on like this._

_Renji..._

He looked up into Renji's lovely, red-brown eyes and tried to speak again, but was stopped by a soft jolt of kido that moved through him and relaxed his body forcefully into sleep. As he drifted off again, he heard Renji's surprised sounding voice.

"Taichou, I used a kido spell. Isn't that great? I'm getting so much better! Now, I have more energy, I can keep this up for however long you need me to, to make you come out of this. Just, rest for a while."

Time disappeared into an enthralling mix of powerful, heated joinings, followed by heavy lapses into deep unconsciousness. Byakuya lost track of how many times he woke to the sensation of being kissed into silence, carefully prepared and passionately taken. But finally, the continued joinings seemed to take their toll on the redhead, and Byakuya managed to wake before him, and to extract himself from the arms of his sleeping lover. He sat quietly next to Renji, watching the redhead sleep for a while, then turned away and crawled across the cave floor to where the pieces of Zabimaru laid.

_If Renji has begun to regain his powers, then his inner world must have begun to stabilize. I should be able to enter it and see about assisting Zabimaru._

He leaned over the broken zanpakutou and placed his hands over the shattered pieces, bowing his head in concentration as he sought entrance into Renji's inner world. He felt nothing for several minutes, then as the sweat broke out on his forehead and he began to feel convinced that he might not be able to enter, he felt the touch of a ragged mind, then a sharp, desperate pulling sensation. He tumbled down and crashed into the hard ground, then righted himself and looked around.

_I have always wondered what his inner world was like._

He gazed up at the lovely nighttime sky and the moon that he sensed was always full.

_Interesting..._

He scanned his surroundings, noting the jungle-like environs, the feeling of hidden eyes watching him, and the overall feel of wildness to the place.

_It suits you well, Abarai,_ he mused silently as he made his way into the trees.

He reached out with his senses, searching for the two spirits that inhabited Renji's sword, turning and working his way slowly through the meandering trees and long, green vines. After a time, he came to a clearing and found the female baboon and child-snake collapsed on the jungle floor. He knelt beside them and laid his hands on them, first calmly assessing, then slowly infusing them with healing reiatsu.

"It is encouraging that you are able to absorb my reiatsu," he told them softly, not knowing if the two were yet cognizant enough to register his presence, "If your spirit core had been destroyed, then you would not be able to take in the healing energy. This infusion should make you strong enough to connect again with Renji."

He went quiet, focusing deeply on the two spirits and ignoring his own growing weariness.

_Because we have become a mated pair, when Renji grew strong enough, his reawakening spirit centers called to mine, seeking to balance our energies. But the balancing occurred too suddenly and shocked my body by draining away half of my core power and feeding it to him. We came into balance, yes, but it was so abrupt that it caused the odd symptoms that Renji mistook for low reiatsu._

"Hey, Taichou," said Renji's voice, startling the noble, "What are you doing here?"

Byakuya had to fight down a smile.

"You are extremely unobservant sometimes, Renji," he said disapprovingly, "What does it look like I am doing here? I am infusing your zanpakutou with my reiatsu so that it will awaken."

"Huh?" Renji said, looking confused, "Taichou, stop! You know, you were low on reiatsu yourself. I know that you were. I stayed up all night having sex with you to force reiatsu back into you. Now, you just give it away?"

Byakuya took an impatient breath.

"Actually," he said, continuing to infuse the two spirits, "I was not low on reiatsu."

"What?"

"Which you would have know if you would ever improve your ability to sense reiatsu levels. And, in any case, sexual intercourse was no longer necessary because your spirit centers reawakened. But I suppose that you had not noticed that, nor have you noticed that the markings on you are no longer the ones I made, but Zabimaru's own."

"Wh-wha...?" Renji stammered, blushing furiously as Byakuya bit at his lips to keep them from smiling, and continued his work.

"Do not concern yourself," he said, off-handedly, "Even if the sexual contact was not necessary, it was pleasant, and it did eventually result in the two of us catching up on our sleep."

"But," Renji said in an exasperated voice, "You were only half conscious, Taichou! If you weren't low on reiatsu, then why were you so out of it? You weren't making any sense at all!"

"Ah...that," Byakuya said, nodding, "That happened because we, as a mated pair, will fall naturally into a power balance."

"Huh?"

"When a mated pair is together, the energies in their bodies fall into a natural balance. But at first, when I brought you there, that could not happen, because of your injuries. If you think of it in terms of the energy being contained in two containers, if you place an open tube between the two, the energy will naturally flow out of the fuller container and into the more depleted one. But since your 'cup' as it were, was mostly empty and mine was full, the balance happened rather forcefully and I was overcome."

"But, erm," Renji said, frowning and scratching his head, "If the exchange was forceful, then why wasn't I affected like you were?"

"Hmmm, I believe that because your body was so starved for reiatsu, that the amount that flowed in only made you 'half-full.'"

"But the exchange left you 'half-full' too, didn't it?" Renji objected, looking confused, "So why did you pass out?"

Byakuya sighed.

"Because losing half of my reiatsu very suddenly was more of a shock to my body than regaining half of yours was to your body. Does that make sense to you, Abarai?"

"Oh...yeah, that does," said the redhead, nodding.

He paused a moment, then laughed. Byakuya looked up at him dispassionately.

"What is so funny?" he asked, frowning.

"Well," said Renji, stifling a giggle, "That means that we just had a lot of great sex for no reason but pleasure, ne?"

Byakuya barely managed to avoid rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Isn't that why people usually have sexual intercourse, Abarai?"

"Well, yeah," Renji said amiably, "That and making babies. But we did that already, so that just leaves pleasure."

"Yes."

"So...did you enjoy it, Taichou?"

"Do you want me to hurt you, Abarai? If so, keep this discussion on it's current course, and you will get your wish. I promise you..."

"Aww, don't get mad," Renji said, looking amused, "You were really great."

Byakuya blushed brightly.

"Renji...!"

He shook his head and refocused on Zabimaru.

"That will be quite enough," he said brusquely.

"What? Talk or sex?" Renji answered, earning a deadly glare.

"Sorry, just couldn't stop myself," Renji chuckled.

"Well, do try," the noble said dryly.

"Sure thing, Taichou."

"And Renji?"

"Hmmm?"

"We have had sexual intercourse...?"

He paused and frowned.

"Renji, how many times _did _we have sex last night?"

The redhead consulted his fingers and bit at his lips as he counted.

"Oh, I would say...um...about...oh...ten? Give or take a couple?" he answered, wincing at the look Byakuya gave him.

"W-we had sex _t-ten_ times?" the noble said disbelievingly.

He shook his head numbly.

"No wonder we slept well."

"Well, you were married before, ne?" Renji queried, "So, how many times did you and your wife usually have sex in a night?"

"That is an extremely personal question," Byakuya said, glaring, "I will thank you to mind your own sexual life and leave mine be."

"Well," Renji laughed, "The two are kinda connected now, aren't they?"

"Do you want me to start asking you about your sexual conquests, Renji?" Byakuya asked, pointedly, "Not that I am at all curious, but..."

"I was a virgin when I...you know, when I had to..."

"Ah..."

"And, well, I dated Hisagi Shuuhei for a little while, but we broke things off just after Aizen left."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Byakuya met his eyes questioningly.

"Why did you decide not to stay together?" he asked softly, remembering Renji's constant presence at his side while he was in the hospital, "I am sorry if the question seems invasive, but given the change in our status..."

"You want to know that I don't still have any feelings for him, ne?" finished Renji.

Byakuya gazed back at him quietly, but said nothing.

"Well, don't worry. I don't. He...showed a really...different side of himself then, and I decided that I didn't like the fact he turned out to be such a jealous type."

"He was jealous?" asked Byakuya, "Of whom?"

Renji bit at his lip nervously and didn't answer. Byakuya caught his breath softly.

"It was...because of your devotion to me?" he asked softly, "Because you were so insistent on staying with me while I was in the hospital?"

Renji looked back at him silently and Byakuya's expression darkened.

"Renji, I am sorry. I did not realize that your loyalty to me cost you your relationship. I _did _tell you that you didn't have to..."

"But don't you get it?" Renji asked, shaking his head, "Shuuhei was right to leave me."

"What? Renji..."

"Taichou, I think I was already in love with you and I just didn't know it yet."

"But...you...there was no way to know that I would ever return your affections, Renji. You were in a good relationship. You didn't need me."

"But, I did. I do. I have for a while."

Renji moved closer and knelt beside him, slipping an arm around the noble as he continued to infuse Zabimaru with healing energy.

"And," Renji went on, bringing his face close to Byakuya's, "I think that you were thinking along the same lines and didn't know it."

"What makes you think that?"

Renji smiled.

"Maybe the fact that you broke your promise to always follow the rules because saving me was more important to you, Taichou."

"Byakuya," the noble said, frowning, "We are..."

"Lovers," Renji said, capturing his chin and feeding him a lingering kiss, "And okay, I'll call you Byakuya."

"When we are alone," Byakuya added.

"When we are alone," Renji agreed, smiling, "Which looks to be a hell of a long time since we're sealed in this cave in a restricted area that we may never get out of."

Byakuya shook his head and focused harder on Zabimaru.

"We are going to get out of here," he said firmly, "You will regain enough power so that we can work together and..."

"We can't break the seal," said Renji, "You know that would give whatever they locked away in this zone a chance to escape."

"Then, we will locate whatever it is, kill it, and then break the seal."

Renji gave him a startled look.

"Do you even know what is in here with us?"

"Not exactly," said the noble, "but I sensed its power. I will be able to find it when the time comes. In the meantime, we will work at putting you back together, piece by piece."

He looked down at the drawn faces of the two spirits he worked at healing.

"Whatever it takes, we will do, Renji. I came here to save you and to bring you home. And that is exactly what I am going to do."

Byakuya left off speaking, catching his breath in surprise as Zabimaru's reiatsu suddenly flared under his hands, and the two spirits' eyes opened. They stared up at him in silence for a moment.

Then, before either could speak, the spirits' eyes flashed, and green vines erupted all around the noble, pulling him away and binding him securely to a tree. The noble tried to shatter them with his reiatsu, but found that something within the vines was able to completely suppress his powers.

"Zabiamaru!" Renji gasped, "What in the hell are you doing? Let him go!"

A chill went through him as the baboon and snake boy looked back at him with no recognition in their eyes.

Renji stared in shock as more vines exploded from the trees around them and closed in on him.

"Shit!" he breathed, "What's wrong with you, Zabimaru?!"


	7. The Demon Within

**Chapter 7: The Demon Within**

"Back off you sons of bitches!" Renji yelled, dodging the vines the two spirits in front of him fired at him, "Have you lost your fucking minds?"

He managed a quick blast of kido that cut the bonds lashing Byakuya to the tree. The noble pitched forward, wobbling and starting to fall. Renji felt a slickness under his hands and scented blood as he swept the noble off his feet and flash stepped into the jungle. He paused, listening to the crashing sounds as the two spirits raced into the trees, tracking them.

"What the hell is going on?" Renji cried, "Taichou..."

He noticed then that Byakuya's eyes were closed and the noble appeared to have lost consciousness.

"Aw, shit, this is not good!" he gasped, holding Byakuya against him and flash stepping away from the pursuing spirits, "You bastards have totally lost it!"

Heavy blasts of kido flashed all around him, then he sensed the release of something larger and hotter that burned through the trees and singed his back as he dove for cover, dragging Byakuya down with him.

"Holy freaking hell!" he squawked, "Taichou! C'mon Taichou. They're gonna find us in like a second. I need you to wake up. Taichou!"

He patted the noble's pale face and rubbed his wrists briskly until Byakuya groaned and stirred, his eyes opening a crack, then blinking several times.

"C'mon," Renji called to him urgently, "We have to get up, Taichou! We have to get..."

Renji stiffened as Byakuya's eyes met his, bearing a strange expression, and the noble's hands shocked him with a stunning kido.

"Taichou, what're you...?"

Byakuya focused deeply on his physical body, exiting Renji's inner world and crashing down into his kneeling form. His limbs shaking roughly, he located Renji's collapsed body and swiftly forced the redhead into a deeper state of unconsciousness. His hands quivered as he focused on his fukutaichou's healing spirit centers and, one by one, carefully sealed them to prevent any further flow of reiatsu. They shook even harder and hard chills ran down his spine as he bound the redhead in heavy kido restraints.

"I am sorry, Renji," he whispered, his voice haunted as he saw again the unnatural gleam that had been present in the eyes of the redhead's zanpakutou spirits, "I don't know what else to do. I don't know why I didn't sense this sooner. I never suspected that the monster that attacked you might have had an aim other than killing you. That was shortsighted of me. I suppose I became so focused on healing you, I didn't attend closely enough to the signs. And now..."

He gazed down quietly at Renji's pale face, his mind replaying all that he had done to try to save the redhead.

_I had no idea that was what the hollow wanted all along. This whole situation, beginning with the lure it used to get our forces to enter the restricted area...it was all a trap the beast used to set us up to help it escape._

Shock numbed the noble's body and he backed away from the redhead, stopping as he felt the touch of the cold rock wall. His heart pounding painfully beneath his heaving breast, he slid down the wall, his eyes on his unconscious fukutaichou and his mind in disarray.

_They were right that this creature is too dangerous for us to give it any chance of escape._

Tears rose in the corners of his eyes as he remembered how hard he had fought to keep Renji alive.

_But...all of that time, the die was already cast. There was never any chance to save Renji. He was dead, even though he still lived an breathed. The beast hid, deep down inside him and waited as I bound myself to Renji. And now...now it has only to cross over into my soul._

His breath caught, thinking about the possibility that he was pregnant.

_The baby's reiatsu!_

_The baby, if it is within me, is not fully formed, but exists in reiatsu form. And because it is in a developmental stage, its creative power can be stolen and misused. If the hollow is able to pass from Renji's inner world into his body, then is able to invade my body, it will..._

"Taichou?"

Byakuya sucked in a startled breath, first at the fact that Renji had been able to regain consciousness despite the sleep kido he had used to subdue the redhead, then at the chilling presence of a tiny glimmer of malevolence that was forming in the dark centers of Renji's brown eyes.

"Taichou, wh-what's going on? Why did you knock me out? Why did you...?"

He paused, studying the white-faced noble and reading the situation carefully. The whisper of a muted sob escaped the noble as comprehension, then intense fear registered in the redhead's widened eyes.

"Oh gods..." Renji whispered, his own face going so pale that his newly returned tattoos stood out starkly, "That thing...it's...it's...inside me, isn't it?"

"Renji..."

"That's why Zabimaru went nuts and tried to attack us, right? It's inside me!" the redhead exclaimed, "That's why you knocked me out and tied me down, isn't it?"

Byakuya's lips moved, but no words came out. He continued to stare sightlessly into Renji's frightened eyes, frozen with mingled fear and indecision.

"And if that's true," Renji went on, each word striking Byakuya's besieged heart and bringing him closer to madness, "then...you know there's no choice, Taichou...Byakuya..."

"N-no..."

"You have to..."

"No, Renji! Stop!" the noble shouted, closing his eyes tightly against the words, "Don't say that!"

"Hey, I get it," Renji went on, tears leaking onto his face as the noble, who had always been so controlled, so hardened, so apathetic, began to break apart before his widened eyes, "You're in shock. I am too. But we have to hold it together, Taichou. We have to if we want to survive."

A hard, disbelieving sob erupted from between Byakuya's parted lips, shaking his slender frame as his arms wrapped around his midsection.

"You said that you understood," the noble managed in a trembling voice, "Renji, you know there is no hope for us. Not for you and not for me. Not anymore."

"No, Taichou. You're wrong!"

"There was never any chance you would survive. That thing invaded your body to kill you, but when it read your thoughts and memories, it realized...it knew I would come for you!"

"So what!" Renji hissed, his eyes flashing.

"So, it is there, in your inner world," Byakuya went on, swallowing hard and holding himself more tightly as he continued, "It has invaded the minds of your zanpakutou's spirits, Renji. It will cross over into your mind."

"And you think I'll let it kill you. Is that it? Taichou, I won't..."

"That's not all," Byakuya went on, watching as his next words impacted the redhead, "You remember that, to save you, I opened a bond between us, Renji."

He shivered as panic rose in the redhead's darkened eyes.

"No, Taichou!"

"The hollow can use it to enter my body."

"NO!"

"And with my power and the baby's reiatsu inside me..."

"Stop it! We won't let it happen! Stop!"

"It can use the child's reiatsu as a missile to shatter the boundary, freeing itself. to wreak havoc on Soul Society."

"Stop, please!" Renji moaned, "We won't let that happen! We won't!"

"Renji," the noble said in a suddenly chillingly calm voice, "We cannot allow that thing to escape this boundary. If it is allowed to enter my body, this is over. We...cannot let that happen, Renji."

A long silence opened up between the two and they gazed silently into each others' eyes. After a few minutes of dread quiet, Renji gave a long, shuddering sigh.

"Do it, then," he managed in a low, shaky voice, "Just...get it over with, Taichou. Kill me and that thing and get out of here...before it can reach you."

Byakuya's burning eyes closed for a moment, then opened again and fixed on the redhead.

"Renji, there must be _no opportunity_ for the hollow to escape. To be sure it is eradicated, we must both..."

Byakuya paused, laying a gentle hand on his abdomen and meeting Renji's eyes again meaningfully.

"We must _all_..."

He went silent again, unable to say the words and watching devastation overtake the redhead's expression.

"Byakuya."

The noble's eyes closed and a tear ran down his face.

"I am sorry, Renji. I am so...very...sorry."

"For what?" Renji managed in a voice barely above a whisper, "For loving me so much that you came for me, even though you were told it was too late, and even though you had to break a hundred rules and risk your own life to try to save me?"

"But...because I did that, it is not just you and me who will die, Renji. Our...our child is going to die too."

"Yeah, I know that," Renji answered, more calmly, "But, there wouldn't have been a child if you hadn't loved me enough to come here for me...if you hadn't broken all of those rules to save my life. If I'm sad about anything, it's that you are going to die because you loved me. If you hadn't loved me, you would still be out there, calling me stupid for being reckless and for inconveniencing you by getting myself killed."

"Renji, don't say things like that," the noble said, stiffening, "You, of all people know I..."

"I know," Renji said, managing a sad smile, "I always knew you didn't really mean a lot of the things you said. You're a clan leader and a taichou. You aren't allowed to let on that you have feelings, just like the rest of us. I get it."

Another long silence rose up between the two, then was broken by Renji's weary voice.

"Thank you, Byakuya," he said softly, "for not letting me die without knowing how you really feel about me. I'm...honored. Really honored. And I love you too. Now, you should probably do this while we both still have all of our marbles, ne?"

Byakuya stared back at him silently, another tear rolling down his face.

"I will," he answered, moving forward and watching fear blossom in the redhead's eyes as he approached.

Renji made a sound of surprise as the noble shattered the bonds holding him and dropped to his knees in front of the redhead.

"But, before the end, I want one last night of being a family together, Renji."

Renji reeled as Byakuya's arms wrapped around him and the noble's lips gently sought his.

"What are you doing?" the redhead objected, "That hollow is still inside me. It could..."

"It could what?" Byakuya asked softly, "We are trapped in here right now and the hollow has not encroached on your mind. Right now, all three of us are okay."

"Yeah, but who knows for how long," Renji mused.

"I cannot think about that, right now," Byakuya said wearily, "Just...one last time, let me be with you, Renji. Let the three of us have these last moments of peace. Then, I will do what is required."

"Okay," Renji sighed, closing his eyes and smiling even more sadly as Byakuya's hand captured his and guided it to the noble's warm belly, "Though I have to say, after all the times I made love to you before, thinking I had to, to fill you with reiatsu, I don't see how we'll be able to..."

His words were stopped by a savage kiss as Byakuya pushed him down onto the cave floor and brought their lips crashing together. Renji's mouth opened and he accepted the hard, passionate thrust of the other man's tongue as it penetrated his mouth and curled warmly around his. The noble's desperate hands tore the redhead's yukata away and he crawled down Renji's beautifully tattooed body, treasuring each dark line with hungry lips and a searching tongue, while his hands caressed the redhead's soft bottom and the clan leader rubbed heatedly against him.

"I'm never gonna forget how good this feels!" Renji exclaimed, his mind spinning sweetly as Byakuya's graceful fingers slowly prepared him, "It's gonna be with me forever, Byakuya."

"You will be with me always as well," Byakuya promised, moving into position to take the redhead.

"Hey, uh, Taichou, not because I want to stop you or anything, but didn't you say you didn't want to take me because..."

"That no longer matters now, does it?" Byakuya reminded him gently, "And even if we weren't going to perish here, I know for a fact now that our mating was successful."

"You do?" Renji asked, looking surprised, "How?"

Byakuya laid a warm palm over Renji's hand where it still rested on his abdomen. He sent a flicker of kido, through his hand and Renji's, then into his body. Renji inhaled in surprise as a pink glow rose around their hands and then both men felt the slightest touch of a new reiatsu.

"Oh kami!" Renji breathed, tears filling his eyes again and spilling onto his face, "There really is a baby in there! It's for real, Taichou!"

Byakuya managed a startled inhale as Renji surged forward, tackling him gently and bringing him down on his back. Eager, wetted fingers hastily prepared him, then he gasped as Renji's thickened member swiftly invaded his body.

"I thought that I was going to make love to you!" the noble panted, holding on tightly to the redhead's thrusting hips and groaning in bliss.

"W-we can do that too!" Renji laughed, gasping as pleasure began to overtake him.

Byakuya watched in awe at the beautiful expression on the younger man's face, at the wonderfully primal feel of that strong body moving his. He reeled as Renji's heat exploded into his shaking body, making him moan and pant almost senselessly. He upended the nearly collapsed redhead, invading that lovely, tanned and tattooed body as Renji writhed happily beneath him. The tightness around him, the intense heat of their undulating bodies and the deep feeling of connection overwhelmed him swiftly and he closed his eyes against the heavenly eruption that broke over his fading senses.

"R-renji!" he gasped, his eyes only able to open into slits.

Shock and fear numbed him from end to end at the sight of a red-golden glow that was seeping into Renji's love-misted eyes.

"Renji!" he cried again, trying to pull free of the redhead.

Renji's body stiffened against the intrusion, and he released Byakuya and crawled onto his hands and knees, lowering his head and trying to clamp down on the invading consciousness that attacked his.

_G-get OUT!_

A shiver went through him as a soft, guttural laugh sounded in his mind and the other consciousness retreated.

_Ah, I suppose it isn't time..._

"There's never gonna be a time, you hollow bastard!" Renji howled, his eyes locking on Byakuya's stricken face, "Do it now, Byakuya! You have to!"

"Renji..."

"DO IT!" Renji screamed desperately, "I DON'T WANT IT TO TOUCH YOU! DO IT NOW, BYAKUYA! PLEASE!"

The breath froze in the noble's chest and he stared disbelievingly back at the other man.

"I...can't," he whispered, "I can't, Renji!"

The redhead loosed a howl of rage that shook the reiatsu cage that protected them. He threw himself at the noble, grabbing him by the shoulders and glaring down into his horrified eyes.

"Please, Byakuya, don't let it end with me hurting you!" he pleaded, "Just shatter the cage and let the rock bury us!"

Byakuya shivered inside at the thought and a slender hand slid down to touch his belly.

"I cannot explain why," the noble confessed, taking Renji's riled face in his hands, "But something in me isn't willing to let us die."

"What?" Renji breathed incredulously, "Byakuya, it's got Zabimaru and it's trying to take over my mind too now! We can't stop it. That's why there's a barrier against this thing!"

"Then, fight it, Abarai!"

"Are you crazy?" Renji yelled, "You're out of your mind! Bring it down now, Byakuya! You have to!"

The noble's lips stiffened rebelliously and he wrapped his arms tightly around the redhead.

"No."

"Byakuya!"

Renji felt a gripping shaft of fear as the voice he had heard before returned, and he felt a strange pulling sensation inside.

"N-no! I won't let you..."

_You can't escape me. I lured you here. I discovered your connection to that man and used you to lure him here. Now, I will take his stronger body and devour you and the child!_

_Face the fact that you have lost!_

"No way, you son of a bitch!" Renji howled, "BYAKUYA, IF YOU EVER LOVED ME, BRING IT DOWN! FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI..."

Byakuya's hand quivered as it curled around Senbonzakura's hilt and his voice shook as he spoke again.

"I love you, Renji."

"I love you too, Byakuya!" Renji sobbed, "Now, just do it, okay? You have the power to shatter the cage. I don't."

Byakuya blinked. loosing a tear onto his pale cheek and nodded briefly.

"Bankai," he breathed, his eyes locked on Renji's as two rows of tall swords rose around them, "Goukei, Senbonzakura Ka-"

He broke off in surprise as the swords around them quivered strangely, then broke apart and slowly dissipated.

"Oh my god!" Renji sobbed, "Byakuya...!"

"I cannot use my bankai," the noble said disbelievingly, "When our powers balanced, I was too depleted."

"But I made love to you! I filled you with..."

"You don't understand. You were raised to half your strength and I was depleted to half of mine. We have to restore ourselves slowly over time. Neither of us will reach full power until the other does."

"And that's what that thing is waiting for, isn't it?" Renji whispered in a stricken voice, "It can't manage the power to break the cage until we're at full strength."

"And by that time, it plans to overwhelm you and enter me. It will devour the baby and you, and will escape using my power...then..."

"Then, it's gonna attack Soul Society," Renji finished, "We can't let that happen. We just can't."

Byakuya lifted Senbonzakura and turned it so that the tip was rested against his chest, over his heart.

"We won't," he said, stiffening as he prepared to drive the weapon home.

But before he could move, a flash step sounded and Renji's powerful hand stayed his. He looked up at the redhead, preparing to speak, then stopped and stared in horror at the red-golden eyes that looked out of Renji's face.

"Don't think it will be that easy," the hollow's rasping voice said through Renji's gasping mouth, "You should have done it sooner. You might have been able to kill me. But you lost your chance. Now you and that man belong to me!"

Byakuya surged up against Renji's possessed form, only to feel a heavy shock pass through his stunned body as he began to fall.

"Don't worry," hissed the hollow's grating voice, "I'll keep you both alive a little longer."

Byakuya disappeared into an ocean of blackness, the hollow's laugh echoing all around him.


End file.
